Going down memory lane, I remember my misery as a child. I lived full of fear, frustration and anger. I would usually ask myself ; What is the purpose of this vain life? A life where people come and go, sometimes without warning. A life where everyone has to eventually leave and become nothing but a memory.
I was so shallow in my thinking back then, and of course I was yet to have an encounter with our loving Father. Though somewhere in my mind, I knew God existed, I failed to understand why He did. I also did not understand why life couldn’t remain simple, devoid of pain and unending. I would usually ask, with my eyes up to the sky; “What really does the Big guy up there want from us?”
I still kept praying to Him though, each time I remembered or felt it necessary. Watching my mother pray to Him with all her heart and believing whole heartedly in her precious God, despite all her challenges made me follow suite. I would say that I sometimes had doubts as to whether He even cared to listened to someone as tiny as I was back then, but now I know better.
Permit me to quickly mention that I didn’t particularly grow up in your typical Christian home, infact my paternal root isn’t one that conforms to christianity. My Dad as a person however was, and is still quite free spirited, he allowed us do whatever we were comfortable with back then. Infact, I remember him buying my brother and I series of animated bible stories (those were priceless memories ).
I am telling you all of this, just so you know that there was no pressure from the “Main branch”…..that is, my Dad. The folks from my roots had a different take on this subject matter, and made sure to bring on the unnecessary pressure. The pressure to conform to the religion I was born into. Notwithstanding, the heart wants what it wants.
Though I was still oblivous to the workings of a King, who laid down his life for me back then, I subconsciously tilted towards the Christian side of life. I must let you know though that my faith isn’t built perse on a religious foundation. It is instead deeply seated in my life experiences, my amazing encounters with God, the sweet conviction of who He is, and who I am in Christ Jesus. I would boldly say, that I don’t believe in Him because I was forced to, and definetely not solely because I heard about him. I believe because I have experienced, and I am still experiencing His Love first hand.
So, as a low key hopeless child back then, I continued living life to the best of my abilities, and I honestly felt I was doing ok.
I took whatever life handed me, and was living out my time here on earth with no thoughts on why my Creator made me, and if He had any purpose for me. After all, there are billions of people worldwide, why would a small spec like me matter?
This erroneous notion thankfully changed in my mid/late teenage years.
No, the change didn’t happen swiftly, it was a gradual process. Trials came creeping in, all I thought I knew was thrown in the garbage. Hopelessness and lack of self worth became the order of each day. Unfortunately, I had no idea……no idea that there was someone by my side through it all.
A very present help in every time of need. He shook mountains for me. He broke protocols in the most unimaginable ways! Words really would never be enough to give him all the Glory and honour that He deserves.
Tauren Wells mentioned in his lyrics from the song “Joy in the morning” that……… Everything happens for a reason but you don’t know what you don’t know, and you would never have peace until you let go of tmrw.”
When the trials came, They were difficult to take in. “Why did God allow them?” was my major question, it made no sense to me. Now after many years, I can confidently tell you that the trials built me, moulded me into a better human and drew me closer to Him.
I discovered the One who created me for a purpose in a time such as this as a result of these same trials. If I am being honest, the Journey still continues. What matters most to me right now though, is deepening my relationship with him, and fulfilling His purpose for my life.
If I had the opportunity to go back to have a chat with my younger self who didn’t know Jesus Christ, I would tell her, that God loves her and all of humanity. He loves us so much, that He gave His only son, and descended on earth in Human form to take away our sins.
For through one man (Adam), Sin was introduced into the world, and through another, (Jesus Christ) it was taken away. Jesus is our source of hope!
Being away from us was never His plan, in as much as He has given us free will, He still wants to be close to us. The only issue here is that man rebelled against God through Sin. Being a perfect and Holy God that he is, this Sin was the culprit responsible for severing our relationship with our one and Only true God. Thankfully, He won us back through Jesus and we remain super grateful.
Through Jesus, we have hope. For He was the pure and blameless Lamb slain on our behalf. He took it all for us, the wages of Sin, the shame, everything was on Him.
But before Jesus left, He told us that on this earth, there shall be trials, but that we should take heart because he has overcome the world.
The hope that He gives, is that of eternal life, where there would be no more pain or sorrow. Where Sin doesn’t pull us away from our Loving Father. Creating us was never a mistake, and this earth in which we reside is not our final destination, it is more like the preamble before the real deal. What truly matters is that we journey through earth trusting and believing in our One true God.
I would end this post by telling you that no matter how difficult a system feels, it is best never to lose hope, because He would surely make everything eventually work out for your good.
